The Last Time Lady
by ScholarlyBAMF
Summary: Scholar is a little Time Lady refugee of the Time War. She needs to find the Doctor so she knows what happened to her family. Along the way, she makes friends, influences people, and blows stuff up. OC main character, references to Eleven/River, Clara and the Doctor friendship only. Jenny, the Doctor's daughter, is Scholar's sidekick. T for violence and some cussing. Sequel posted.
1. Chapter 1: The Hidden Time Tot

**AN: This is going to be a rather long story. I'll try to post a chapter a day, if I can. Review, please, whether you like it or not. Also, be honest in reviews. I know that I'm not a great writer, but I don't care if you hate it or not. Just tell me. Enjoy!**

Ch 1: The Hidden Time Tot

Aoife Maiara Erudite, I decided. I would give my name as that. Mother had prepared me for what I was to do once I landed. I parked Beauty, our Type 57 TARDIS, in the cultivated park on Luna. Luna Colony, 52nd century, to be exact. Beauty disguised herself as an ancient Gallifreyan ulanda tree, with silvery leaves and a hidden door, and prepared for a long bout of dull, linear time. I wandered out into the heart of the colony, looking lost and confused. Soon I was stopped by a concerned copper.

"Little one, are you lost?"

I knew what I was going to say. Mother coached me. She saw war coming and knew that I should be hidden. So Mother and I packed tons of cultural items of significance, including books, into Beauty, and sent me off. I was an infant by Time Lord standards, barely six, but I was also a genius by our standards. I was taken to the Infinite Schism at four instead of eight, and I was doing well at the Academy before I had to leave. I prepared to start my con.

"Mister, where am I?"

"The Luna Colony. Who are you? Where are your parents?"

" I only remember my name. Aoife Maiara Erudite," I let tears fill my eyes. " I can't remember!"

I had the policeman suckered. Soon, I was brought to a children's home. I was even enrolled in school. I, within the next few months, skipped into high school. The apes just decided I was a genius and left me with my books. I snuck away to where I parked Beauty often, and used her hologram system to teach myself to fight. I soon settled into my new life.

No one questioned me about my intelligence, my odd necklace (actually a bio damper), or really anything. I soon progressed to Luna University, on full scholarship, after becoming an emancipated minor. I had plans, you see. I've had them since my glimpse into the Infinite Schism.

**AN: Sorry, short chapter. Next chapter will be about what she's going to do once she's old enough to travel. By the way, a ulanda tree is a thing. It's a silver-leafed Gallifreyan tree. Scholar's a sassy savant, and has plans for her life. Anyway, tomorrow will bring the next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2: Plans

**Onto the next chapter! If anyone decides to read this, pop off a quick review. I'll give a shout out to anyone who does, and I'll add in any suggestions. **

**Disclaimer: The BBC owns Doctor Who, and therefore my soul. All I own is a large collection of colorful socks.**

Ch 2: Plans

I stared into all of time and space at four (what, I was a quick study), and it was glorious. The whole universe is filled with wonders, and I decided then and there that I had to see as much as I can.

I decided that I would learn as much as I could about all the cultures of the universe. I would also become an inter-species doctor, so I could help all the peoples out there when disaster struck. I had plans, and I would achieve them no matter what it takes.

I had heard about one of Mother's old friends before she became Lady President who called himself the Doctor. He had similar dreams to me, but he didn't get approval to go off- world. He's a famous rogue. His real name was even banned from all but his family.

Mother was assigned to travel with him to retrieve a key artifact, as recompense for his crimes, and they became friends. He was the one who gave her her nickname. Her real name is a mouthful. Mother told me all about him.

**This is a filler chapter, so I'll post 1 more today. You're welcome!**


	3. Chapter 3: Traveling

**This one's a long one. I'm generous that way. Oh, and I'd really appreciate reviews.**

**Disclaimer: The BBC owns my whole world, which is Doctor Who. I am planning to weasel the rights away from them and bring River back. Anyone have a couple billion dollars?**

Ch 3: Traveling

I'm one hundred sixteen now. I already have four doctorates under my chosen moniker, Aoife Maiara Erudite: medicine, alien languages and culture, engineering, and time travel. I am well versed in most forms of martial arts, and in weaponry. I am finally ready to see the universe.

Beauty was happy to be freed from the monotony of linear time. She flatly refused to let me fix her chameleon circuit that she keeps blowing, though she did let me install a telepathic link with her personality matrix. I was glad, because traveling time and space as a perpetual wanderer is lonely, and I could do with someone to talk to.

I go by the name Scholar while traveling, or in the various criminal underworlds. I am infamous for stopping any and all crimes that actually harmed people, and taking rewards in old and rare books.

I had already regenerated twice before I found my first lead to the Doctor. Once from a gunshot wound at the age of twelve (what, I was precocious), and once from falling off a skyscraper at 109. Oddly enough, all three bodies were ginger and had heterochromia.

I ran into my first link to the Doctor in 69th century Messaline. The local colonists spoke of a Doctor who came, progenated a daughter, stopped a war, and lost his daughter. He left his presumeed dead daughter, but she somehow was fixed by the terraforming technology. I collected the DNA samples they had of the girl and then set Beauty to track her.

Scholar, you do realize that this girl might not have a clue where the Doctor can be found, or what happened to Gallifrey. She isn't even a proper Time Lord!

"I know that, Beauty! I know that, but she's the best lead I have! Just start the tracking program!"

Very well, just don't get your hopes up. Let's see, she can be found in 6875, on the planet Woman Wept. Lets go!

We headed out to where she could be found, in the seedy underbelly of Women Wept. She was bartering for a stun gun on the black market. I walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Just to let you know, that gun is junk. It's the badly-soldered together remains of a dozen different models. If you tell me where I can find the Doctor, I'll give you one of my own design. It is ten times better than that piece of crap. "

"I don't know where the Doctor is. Why are you asking?"

"I'm trying to find out what happened in the Time War. I was sent away when war was emminent, and I have no idea what happened to my mother. Did he mention anything about it to you? Let's go back to my ship and talk. I'll give you the weapon anyway, for any scraps of information you have. Also, I miss talking to fellow Time Ladies. Apes just can't quite keep up. Oh, by the way, I'm Scholar. You can call me that, or Dr. Aoife Erudite."

"OK, I'll go back to your ship with you. Mine's burned out anyway, so, if you're offering, I'll look for the Doctor with you. What kind of doctor are you?"

We started walking to the park where I put Beauty. She, in her Gallifreyan glory, stretched tall and proud. I fished around in my bigger-on-the-inside pockets and took out the TARDIS key.

"Why are we stopping at a tree, where's your ship? Also, you never said what kind of doctor you are?"

"This is my ship. She's disguised with a chameleon circuit. She's a Type 57 TARDIS. Brace yourself, she's smaller on the outside. I call her Beauty. Oh, and I am a medical doctor, and I've doctorates in alien languages and culture, time travel, and engineering. Any questions?"

Of course, she had questions, especially once she stepped inside Beauty. I love the look the uninitiated get when they see something absolutely unusual, that wide-eyed look of wonder. It was my favorite part of dealing with apes. Humans just have that large capacity for wonder, which is shared by those raised like them.

We decided to head off for Earth, which, according to what Jenny had dug up on him, was his favorite world. Earth in the early 21st century, to be precise. I myself prefer a much later time zone of Earth's history, but the planet is fascinating. But before we headed off to Earth, I decided to make a quick jaunt to the Luna University library, to see if there was any information on him that we could use to pinpoint an exact year and country. We hit the jackpot.

There was a dissertation on the Doctor, written by a Dr. River Song. It was unusually well-enlightened, especially on facts about the Time Lord race, so I decided to look up Dr. Song. It was an interesting find. Apparantly, this Dr. Song was at least part Time Lord, married to the Doctor-oh, that bad, bad boy- and, this was the clincher, imprisoned for killing him. I had to pay a visit to this Dr. Song, immediately.

**Next chapter, posted tomorrow, will contain River. She won't be with the Doctor, though she'll direct them towards London. It'll be adventurous.!**


	4. Chapter 4: Hell in High Heels

**Okay, finally a new chapter. I tried to write River well, don't sue me. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who, River would always be there and no one else would try to kiss him (I mean ****_you_****, Clara!)**

Ch 4: Hell in High Heels

"So, if this woman married my dad, does that mean I have a stepmother now? Because, from what I've read, they're evil."

"I suggest just considering her your mother, because you don't actually have one. Don't go creating problems where there aren't any. Also, her dissertation was funny and informative, so she has a sense of humor. You shouldn't flip out. She'll be fine."

I was wrong. She wasn't fine, she was amazing. From the moment we met her she made an impression.

"Hello boys, you can turn off the alarms, I'm breaking in, not out. This is River Song, back in her cell," she turned and saw Beauty. She remarked, "I would think that my advice was taken about some potted plants to liven the place up, but this is a tree that has been described to me many times before. Who happens to have a Gallifreyan ulanda tree?"

I stepped out of the shadows and bowed, with a flourish. I stated, "This is my TARDIS, madam. I am called Scholar, or Dr. Aoife Erudite. I am searching for the Doctor, as is Jenny here. Do you know where we would be able to find him? We have great need to speak to him."

Her shrewd eyes were turned to Jenny. She muttered, "That name, that posture. That face. I told that man, go to the funeral, it makes it clear they're actually dead. Jenny, hello. I'm your stepmother...or just mum, since you don't have a mother. Stepmother is just too reminiscent of old faerie tales, and I'm not evil, or jealous, or any of that nonsense. So, Jenny, I know why you need to see the doctor, but what about you, Scholar? I could infer, from the facts provided, but that's no fun. Tell me, sweetie, why you need the Doctor."

"Okay. I'm Scholar, teenage Time Lord savant, savior of the stupid, and owner of Beauty, over there. I'm a refugee from the Time War, and my mother told me that, once I could survive in the big, bad universe, to go and find the Doctor, because he always manages to survive any scrape he gets into. I need, desperately, to know what happened to my mother, who was one of the Doctor's best friends. She even traveled with him in his fourth incarnation. She couldn't leave, because she used to be Lady President, but she was able to smuggle me out. I think the Doctor's my best bet of finding out what happened to my home."

During my speech, I saw Dr. Song wince at the mention of the Time War, but otherwise she was expressionless. I knew that was a bad sign, but I didn't care. I was tough, I could handle whatever happened to Gallifrey. As I mused, Dr. Song began to speak in a soft tone. "Scholar, I know some of what happened, but the Doctor should be the one to tell you. I suggest looking in Leadworth, England, early 21st century. Check the house with the blue door, it's the home of the Ponds, his companions. Go, girls. The Doctor can be recognized by a young face, floppy hair, and the clothes of an old man, bow-tie and all. See you!"

I prepared to go. Beauty decided on late 2012 to visit, and off we went.

**If you haven't watched P.S., the next chapter will be confusing. I'm sorry, the Doctor's companion will just be Clara. I know the others are awesome, but they died in TATM, and I don't feel AU-ey. I just made a new word. Yay me!**


	5. Chapter 5: Bad News

**For God's sake, I couldn't hold to my previous threat. But, I'm begging you all, just review. I know each one of you is thinking, ****_oh, someone else will review,_**** but NO ONE IS! Just one, because this is my 1st story, please! I know I have followers, so each one of you, just scrawl off a quick review and I'll give you a shout-out!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Who except some awesome commercial crap. So, no, I'm not old, fat, life-ruining Steven Moffat. God, why did he have to end River, WHY!**

Ch 5: Bad News

The house, with its cheerful blue door, seemed ominous today. It had an aura of emptiness, despite the elderly man puttering around watering plants. We prepared to approach him, but an even older man approached, and handed the plant-waterer a letter. We silently watched, not wanting to intrude, as the two men entered the house. A sob could be heard, as well as the older man comforting the younger. Eventually, the older man left, and we prepared to approach him.

"Sir, I'm sorry to intrude, but do you know the Doctor? We desperately need to know if you know where he could be found. We were told this is the house of his companions."

The man's face appeared sorrowful, as I realized the most likely outcome based upon the signs. When people are given the opportunity to travel through space and time, bad things happen sometimes. Sometimes people, through no fault of the Doctor's, get hurt. Sometimes people die. This was most likely the case.

"This was the house of Amy and Rory Pond, before they met the Weeping Angels. They were sent back to the early 20th century, where they lived out their lives. They adopted me then. I came to tell my grandfather what happened to them. The Doctor visited me after the time lock was broken by their deaths. He attended their funeral, before saying something about retiring, with some people called the Paternoster Gang. I wish you luck, but be careful. He seemed desolate, and broken."

Even though our lead hadn't worked out, we had a new hope in this "Paternoster Gang". Upon checking Beauty's database, we discovered the were a trio, sometimes joined by a mysterious fourth, of odd detectives in Victorian London. The main group consisted of a mysterious veiled woman, an odd-looking dwarf, and a tough Cockney maid prone to wearing trousers. We aimed for the time period with the mysterious fourth member, and off we went.

**A/N: Next chapter will take place after the last scene of the Snowman! After that, when they finally catch up to the Doctor, he's gonna describe her as he sees her, which will be fun for those of you who like a visual description. Though, help me decide in your reviews whether they'll meet after The Crimson Horror or TNOD. It's up to you guys!**


	6. Chapter 6: A Near Miss

**A/N: I know you are gonna want to skip this, but don't. Just one, one sentence review, and I'll follow any plot suggestions you have. **

**Disclaimer: I'm not an old, fat guy who feels any chance of the Doctor's happiness should be ripped away.**

Ch 6: A Near Miss

We arrived in a graveyard-always a bad sign. Beauty appeared to have brought us to the right place, as evidenced by the Veiled Detective and the Cockney woman in skintight black leather. As we approached we could hear the strains of an argument.

"Ma'am, I don't think he's coming back! He even said so himself."

"Jenny, that may well be, but he told us to wait. The Doctor may not be coming back, but he specifically said to wait. I say to give him a little time and then we'll see."

I decided to not wait them out, but began to walk up. I called out, "Madams, do you know where we could find the Doctor? We greatly wish to find him. Oh, and Madame Vastra, there is rumor that the reason you wear the veil is because you are a Silurian, as evidenced by the records of a 'unique skin condition' that come from those who have seen you without the veil. Are my suspicions correct?"

The woman lifted her veil in one sharp motion, confirming my suspicions. She intoned, "I do not believe my species is known in this time period, therefore you are probably a time traveler. As you don't appear to have a vortex manipulator, and the Doctor has the only remaining TARDIS, I shan't answer your original question until I have an answer, so as to ascertain you mean no harm to the Doctor."

I prepared to explain myself, once again. "I am called Scholar, though I also go by Dr. Aoife Erudite, when a name is necessary. I do have a time travel device, though you do not appear to see it. To correct your original analysis of the facts, your assumption, and the Doctor's as well, that he owns the last TARDIS in existence, is false. I have a TARDIS, disguised by her chameleon circuit as a Gallifreyan tree. My Beauty's this way, if you care to follow. The Doctor only assumes he is the Last Time Lord, as I have heard him called, because he neglected to factor in the idea that any Gallifreyan refugees would have thought to use a bio-damper. I have heard rumors of the end of Gallifrey, but I need an eyewitness account of what happened to be sure that my home is gone, and to provide closure. Please, do you know where he can be found?"

"Can you offer us any proof of your tale? You seem to be telling the truth, but we mustn't take chances with the Doctor's fate."

I was starting to get annoyed by the constant proof the apes and those who lived with them seemed to require. I removed my bio-damper, took out my stethoscope, and had them listen to both my hearts. Then, just to be thorough, I lead them back to Beauty and let them see inside. Beauty is, obviously, more fitting with my personality than the Doctor's but she is obviously a TARDIS. Clear time rotor, rather wide array of buttons and switches, my name at the top of the time rotor in Gallifreyan, the whole nine yards. Beauty's look was more copper, bronze, and silver, with a clear floor and switches looking rather more clockwork, but she was mine. The human girl and the Silurian seemed amazed as they muttered something along the lines of how the Doctor wasn't the last anymore. I decided to brave my query again.

"My ladies, if I may ask again, what was the Doctor looking for when he left you? I really want to find him. He's-well, the best way to translate it into your terms is my godfather. I really want to find him."

After a long explanation, we had a new lead. Clara Oswald, a girl who kept on dying. The Doctor was looking for the girl who saved his life again. She would probably be listed in historical record somewhere, so now we had something of a task. Time for research.

**Next chapter they'll find where Clara lives and track her down, but they'll mostly be researching in the TARDIS. Eventually, they'll find the Doctor, maybe in a chapter or two. Then that chapter will be from the Doctor's POV, and we'll find out what Scholar glossed over, like her name, her House, her status at the Academy, her age, her looks, and her mother. Have fun reading!**


	7. Chapter 7: When Jenny's a Real Help

**A/N: So, we're one chapter away from meeting the Doctor! It will be hilarious to watch Jenny and Clara gang up on the Doctor and Scholar, and to see how Scholar gets the Doctor to let go of his guilt over the destruction of his planet.**

**Disclaimer: Eleven would meet Jenny if I was Steven Moffat. So, I'm not the owner of Doctor Who.**

Ch 7: When Jenny's a Real Help

Jenny was in bed, and I was researching in my room, suite, abode, whatever term you want to use for it. My room, however, is much like me. It is covered mostly by my experiments, rather eccentric looking, relatively dangerous, and is stuffed full of knowledge. My suite (yes, that's the word I like) has a bathroom, a laboratory, an extensive library, and a bedroom/kitchen room. I rarely need to use the bedroom, because I'm a full Time Lady in my teenage years. I have a habit of leaving my books wherever I finish them, so I put specialized trackers on each one, which are connected to the catalog on my scanner. My color scheme has been described by Jenny as "steam-punk", whatever that means. She was merely describing my wardrobe and console room, because I don't let her into my rooms. She, before she fell asleep, was researching Clara in the main library, which is like a city to itself. What can I say, I love books!

Jenny took some getting used to, with her rather militant attitude, shoot first ask questions later instincts, and her wearing only variations on a dull green t-shirt and cargoes, like G.I. Jane. She is quite clever, but she isn't naturally fond of books. However, it is fun to have a tag-along who can keep up for the most part. She is basically as smart as a Time Lady, except she is too old to look into the Untempered Schism. She is a rather amusing individual, and a good sparring partner. She was...knocking on my door. Had it been three hours already?

I took a look at the ceiling, annoyed. Why did Beauty let her find the door? She must have threatened to poor fluids into her circuitry or something equally threatening. At least she could get in, the only handle being a hand shaped indentation that corresponded to my DNA. I opened the door.

"Jenny, what do you not understand about a motion-sensing prerecorded voice threatening anyone but me who finds this room? Most people who would hear that would think, oh, better stay away from the door that sprays acid at anyone but Scholar who tries to open it, but you just think, I'm gonna bang the shit out of Scholar's door until she opens it. There better be a fire somewhere."

"No, but I've found something on Clara Oswald in the archives of the Earth 21st century London Census. She's a nanny, from Chiswick, London, 2013. She's traveled quite a bit with the Doctor, and appears to be splintered in time. When do you think we should find her?"

"How about we find her during an off-world trip. I rather like those funny little apes, but their planet is rather dull. I prefer them after they've started colonizing. It's more fun that way. Beauty, how about taking us to Clara Oswald and the Doctor on an off-world trip after they've figured out the mess of her life? Thanks, old girl."

We zoomed off, closer and closer to the Doctor. Then we landed.

**I picked a planet that I didn't make up, but one that has been barely seen, and never onscreen in the new series for the Doctor meeting Scholar. PLEASE REVIEW! **


	8. Chapter 8: The Doctor, At Last

**A/N: The moment of the reunion is here! It's Doctor's POV, and any italicized dialogue is Gallifreyan. A big shout-out to InsaneTrouble for reviewing. Thanks, and anyone else who reviews will get a shout-out too! She even helped me with some plot points, and you can too if you review!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who, Eleven would get at least one more season.**

Ch 8: The Doctor, At Last

I flung open the doors of my sexy old girl and exclaimed, "Clara, welcome to Shan Shen. Wonderful place! Markets galore, slightly Chinese influenced...this isn't Shan Shen. Lets see...this is Florana. I love Florana. One of the most beautiful planets in the universe! Let's go to the effervescent oceans. Get a bathing suit, the bubbles actually support you. Finally, I managed to make it to Florana. I wish I'd thought to retire here during the Dark Times...would have gotten me right back on my feet."

Clara came back and exclaimed..."Doctor, do you usually see teenagers dressed like _that_ on Florana?"

I looked over and stared. There was a slender teenage girl who looked incredibly eccentric. Victorian blouse and a lacy skirt that appeared to be made of metal were covered in engine grease and electricity burns. An interesting pair of boots with springs for heels and gears covering them, and fishnets that appeared to be woven of durasteel adorned her legs. To top it all off, she had a headpiece like metal goggles, intricately crafted, with metal ruffles and a metal fascinator was atop her fiery mass of red curls. But what was the most striking was a ring shaped exactly like a Time Ring, her eyes-one violet, one storm gray- the large, folded metal wings, and the choker made of a material that looked...and seemed...off. I hadn't felt something so off since...a bio-damper! But what could she be hiding?

"Clara, there shouldn't be anyone here at all. We're at the exact best point in Florana's history, just after it became beautiful, but before it became inhabited. So who's she...and that looks like a ulanda tree. Ulanda trees are only found on Gallifrey. So why's a blonde girl who...Jenny! Clara, do you see a blonde girl stepping out of a tree with silver leaves?"

"Of course I do? Doctor, do you think I'm blind...Doctor! Slow down! I can't keep up!"

By the time Clara caught up with me, I was spinning Jenny around in a circle. "Jenny, how did you survive? Of course, the terraforming. How long... I knew I should have waited longer than a day, but I wasn't sure how Gallifreyan you were. Do you remember me? Oh, new face. It's me! Your dad, the Doctor!"

"Father, you sure do gabble a lot in this regeneration! Of course I recognized you, I've been researching you with Scholar to help. Is this Clara, your newest companion?"

"Yes this is Clara. Clara, this is Jenny, my daughter. So, Jenny called you Scholar. Scholar, who are you and what's with the bio-damper?"

"Oh, Doctor, I've been waiting a while to meet you. I'm Scholar, or Dr. Aoife Erudite if you prefer an ape name. I've been looking for you."

As she pulled off the necklace, I realized something. An ape name, she called it. She sounds a bit like I did...Time Lady! By Rassilon, I'm thick. Head's too full of stuff, I need a bigger head! The Time Ring, the weird outfit, the ulanda tree-shaped item. She was a Time Lady, with a TARDIS, who must have escaped before the War! Oh, maybe she was someone I've met before! Doesn't hurt to ask, especially to ask someone who speaks a proper language.

"Doctor, I thought all your children were dead! Who's her mother? Why is she not traveling with you if she's yours?"

"Jenny, could you kindly take Clara to the beach-you'll like them, the sand feels like swan's down-and explain to her what's going on? I'd like to talk to Scholar."

As Jenny led Clara away, I said, in a language I missed so much,_"Scholar, what's your name? How old are you? Is that your TARDIS? Which House are you from?"_

_"Doctor, I'm Aoifescholeaneruditealundar, of the House of Heartshaven. I am 116 and change, and yes, this is my Beauty. You knew my mother, her name was...well, you called her Romana."_

_"You're Romana's? That means... you're my goddaughter! How do you count your age? I lost track years ago, but I know some use years, or centuries, or moons, or whatever takes their fancy. Are you a graduate of the Academy? Did your mother send you away before the War? Do you know what happened to her?"_

_"People actually count in years? I, personally, count in centuries. Years are too small to keep track of. Yes, I'm a triple first graduate of the Academy, specializing in science and technology. I then went and studied alien languages and culture, but I wasn't able to finish that course of study before the War, when Mother smuggled me out. I've regenerated twice, and, oddly enough, all three bodies have had heterochromatic eyes and red hair."_

_"HOW ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE GINGER-IN ALL THREE BODIES-AND I'M NOT! How by Rassilon did you manage to get a triple first in science and technology? You must be a genius by our standards! Did you invent anything I might have heard of?"_

_"Well, you might have heard of this, it's a Time Ring...and here are a few others. My clothing is all made of a metal I synthesized that changes color by the temperature, as well of being soft as silk, explosion proof, and weightless. My pockets, obviously, are bigger on the inside, and the goggles to virtually anything you can think of. They can detect when someone is lying, different emotions, pick locks, et cetera. Oh, and the magnetic beads on my boots are infinitely powerful explosives that only kill who they're directed to. I invented the technique to make certain small spaces-like pockets- their own dimensions, and the wings fly. Useful for many a tricky situation. Also, I've made numerous modifications to my Beauty over here. Did I mention that my boots, if you turn this gear, allow me to bounce along at a third of the normal gravity. I see the amazement on your face, but don't be so shocked that I'm more clever than you. I did look into the Infinite Schism at 4 actual Gallifreyan years. By the way, the reason I've been looking for you is to find out what happened to them. I know it won't be good news, or pleasant to hear, but I feel I better hear it from you."_

_"Why did your mother let you look into the Schism at four-no, that was a rhetorical question, I know that if you're this smart now, you must have been writing Circular Gallifreyan before you could walk. Okay, this won't be easy to tell. We should probably sit down. So, you know that the Daleks eventually threatened Gallifrey. They were basically atop the planet, when an idiotic group of Time Lords resurrected Rassilon and deposed your mother. The Prydonian Chapter, including your mother, decided that, since the idiots in charge were thinking about destroying the Universe and existing as pure consciousness the Moment had to be used. They voted me to be the one to use it, to watch from my TARDIS as my home blew up, instantly Time Locked, taking the Daleks with them. The tricky little buggers manage to survive one at a time, here and there, but they're mostly gone. So, I lived, traveled, made friends with humans, until I found out that the Master had survived. I eventually managed to defeat him, but his mesmerized human wife snapped out of it and killed him. He refused to regenerate, and died in my arms. A little while later, a human cult resurrected him. He wasn't quite himself, and that was when I found out that the drumming sound of his insanity was real. It was implanted by the Time Lords. They then sent a white-point star out of the Time Lock, and tried to recreate Gallifrey next to Earth, before planning to start the Final Sanction, I blew up the diamond, on orders from one of my allies, and there they've been ever since. I'm sorry I couldn't save your mother. She was a close friend of mine."_

_"Doctor, from what you just said, she and the others had you do it for them. I loved my mother, but she couldn't have survived long without Gallifrey. All of the others couldn't have done it, so they made you carry the guilt. You, and I are the only ones who really want to see the universe. That was why she got me out when she did. So I could get my chance to see the universe. Gallifrey was a relic. You've been holding onto the guilt to long. I'm a Time Lady, and on behalf of Gallifrey I absolve you of your guilt. You killed them for them!"_

I stared at this little wanderer in front of me, much younger-probably-than me, but so wise. She managed, with one little speech, to sum up my guilt and rip it away, like cauterizing an old, infected wound. We began to head over to the others, and could hear sounds of laughter. This couldn't be good.

"Let me tell you, your dad is wacky. I mean, the bow-tie, the gabbling on, the way he stumbles along like a baby giraffe, and he calls his TARDIS sexy! Oh, and he didn't even to think to mention that he had a WIFE!"

"I know he has a wife, I've met her on my search with Scholar for my dad. She's awesome. She gave us our best lead in ages, that eventually led us here. Though if you think that's bad, you should see Scholar. She has an interesting sense of style, I guess, and she's good in a tight spot, but she's always blowing things up in her experiments, she's cranky as hell, she is way too smart for anyone but maybe the Doctor-probably not even him-to understand, and she's rather violent. Also, her jokes are so dry that when I realize she's made one, it's way too late to laugh. She's impossible, but she's my best friend."

I knew what they were doing. The companions I've traveled with, when they meet each other, like to go on about what they considered bad habits. Apparently, Jenny and Scholar were doing the equivalent of that about myself and Scholar.

"Scholar, sending them off together was a very bad idea. I think they're ganging up on us! Oh, Scholar, how about you go and make nice with Clara while I work on Jenny, otherwise they'll be annoying for days on end."

Smiling slightly, she and I headed toward the beach and prepared to deal with the companions.

**Next chapter will be Clara POV, as they were talking on the beach. The two of them are acting a bit like Sarah Jane and Rose when they first met! Enjoy, but soon the daily updates will stop, because I'm doing a school course in Chile, and I need to brush up on my Spanish instead of writing fanfiction!**


	9. Chapter 9: Friends, Fun, and Experiments

**A/N: Review if you think Scholar's a BAMF! Until the break, it's Clara POV, afterwards it Scholar POV. Jenny gets the shit beat out of her in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Who, I'd be living in a house filled with rare first edition books. So I don't own Doctor Who.**

Ch 9: Friends, Fun, and Experiments

I walked down the beach with _the Doctor's daughter_, listening to her story. Basically, after she was progenated-the Doctor's her_ mom_ and dad- she followed him as he saved the world she was created on, and then took a bullet for him. She was resurrected by the terraforming device, but had missed the Doctor by minutes. She stole her planet's shuttle and then traveled around. Two years later, she ran into Scholar, who, when she realized Jenny had no idea where the Doctor was, offered to let her on her ship. Jenny and Scholar searched throughout time for the Doctor, eventually becoming more comradely, despite their differences.

"Scholar's_ different_, Clara. I would think it's the whole initiated Time Lady thing, but she is even more eccentric than the Doctor. I mean, have you seen her _clothes_? She _made_ that fucking outfit, out of some metal she invented. Those wings work, she can moon-bounce in the boots, her clothes are bullet, explosion, and nuclear bomb-proof, and her weird hat-goggles thing has gotten us out of many a tight spot, but she is a pain in the ass to deal with. And, she is a bit odd. She is very private and secretive, and, the one time I was able to find her room-I had to threaten to pour water into the circuits on her TARDIS to locate it-I found out that her wacky door will pour _acid_ on anyone but her who tries to open the DNA-encoded lock. I may be good with computers and guns and such, but she's a whole another league."

"Let me tell you, your dad is wacky, too. I mean, the bow-tie, the gabbling on, the way he stumbles along like a baby giraffe, and he calls his TARDIS sexy! Oh, and he didn't even to think to mention that he had a WIFE!"

"I know he has a wife, I've met her on my search with Scholar for my dad. She's awesome. She gave us our best lead in ages, that eventually led us here. Though if you think that's bad, you should see Scholar. She has an interesting sense of style, I guess, and she's good in a tight spot, but she's always blowing things up in her experiments, she's cranky as hell, she is way too smart for anyone but maybe the Doctor-probably not even him-to understand, and she's rather violent. Also, her jokes are so dry that when I realize she's made one, it's way too late to laugh. She's impossible, but she's my best friend."

I wonder if it's a raised-on-Gallifrey thing, but I better talk to Scholar and see if Jenny isn't just biased, because they've been flat/TARDISmates for so long. I wonder how old that little firecracker is, because the Doctor says he's 1000, and I think he's rounding down, judging by his ancient eyes. But I'll talk to her, because us petite girls have got to stick together.

Speak of the devils, and they appear. Of course, they haven't changed out of their wacky outfits, but the Doctor's carrying a picnic blanket, so that's a plus. I think I'll talk to little Scholar, while the Doctor catches up with Jenny. It appears the Doctor has thought of the same thing.

"Hi, Jenny, Clara. Clara, Scholar is going to catch you up on the parts Jenny couldn't, while I talk to my daughter and eat this magnificent picnic lunch."

Scholar had somehow pulled a giant picnic basket out of her tiny skirt pocket. She noticed me staring, and said, "What can I say, they're smaller on the outside. Also, I stole this lunch from the Papal Mainframe, so it better be good."

I decided to talk to the teen, but, judging by her preliminary remarks, Jenny wasn't exaggerating. The girl seemed to exist in another reality, where normal laws didn't apply, like gravity, or logic, or laws against theft.

"So, Scholar, Jenny's told me some about you, but I'd like to hear your tale of events, starting with how old you are."

When her tale was over, I felt like crying, hugging her, or both. Talk about tragic backstories! 116 _centuries_ old, lost her mother, her planet, barely fleeing in time, educating herself at a human school, since she looked like a toddler when she escaped, gaining four doctorates, teaching herself how to defend herself, protecting the innocent, but with a lot of blood on her hands. Dying twice, in horrific agony, but still devoted to find out what happened to her family, only to learn that her mom sacrificed herself for the universe. Poor girl. She had a right to be odd, a large part of those centuries were spent with only her TARDIS, whom she called Beauty, for company. When I tried to console her, she quickly changed the subject.

"Does anyone want a tour of Beauty and a gadget demonstration? Jenny, you can help me demonstrate my weapons after I show them around Beauty, whom I made completely sentient."

I quickly agreed, mostly out of guilt for dredging up old wounds. It was a bit of a mistake on my part.

%TLTL%

The Clara girl was sweet, like a little puppy that tried to make a crying person feel better. However, I was perfectly in control of my feelings, and I _certainly_ didn't want to talk about it with a little ape who was an infant compared to me. So, I suggested a TARDIS tour, simply because I wanted to show my tech to someone who could understand, namely, the Doctor. I knew he didn't like weapons, so I'll mostly show him things that don't kill people. It narrowed down the list quite a bit. I led the way back to Beauty, then put my hand out and snapped my fingers. Clara jumped, but the Doctor and Jenny didn't move, Jenny because she's seen me do that before, and the Doctor smiled at me approvingly because he could do the same thing.

"So, here's my Beauty. I stripped the chameleon circuit because she decided that she preferred a tree as a reminder of our home. Here is the console room," I gestured around me, smiling at Clara's look of awe and her muttered aside, "Doctor, hers is so much cooler, like a mad scientist's den."

I led the way through the corridors, showing them the library, the various lounges and kitchens, the wardrobes, the rooms housing the real Crown Jewels of various civilizations, my room stuffed full of every type of currency known to man or not, Jenny's room, the garden, the forest, the room of dangerous monsters, the greenhouse/lab, before finally stopping at my weapons testing lab, which is conveniently located next to the infirmary. Jenny sighed, knowing her hour of pain was here.

"Okay. Jenny, you can wait in the viewing area until I require a partner in this exhibition. As you can see, I have this harmless-looking bead here. It is, in fact, a bio-bomb, coded to only harm the one who it is locked on. Beauty, release the Dalek."

The Doctor jumped up, quite afraid, but I smiled at him and set the locks so nothing could get in and out. As the Dalek trundled out, screeching, "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!", as I locked the bomb onto its genetic code. I walked up to it, stood next to it, and, holding the bomb in my hand, set it off. The Dalek dissipated in a massive explosion, as the Doctor and Clara pounded on the door. Jenny just sat there, quite unconcerned. She'd seen this show before.

The Doctor and Clara sheepishly sat down again when I was visible again, not even a new scuff anywhere on me. I then began in earnest, showing them tools for accessing objects, by gravity boots, the wings, the lock-pick setting in my headdress, the Silent-proof setting, without the eye-patch side effects, and my pretty large set of explosives. I even showed them a serum that rehabilitated a Cyberman, leaving it happy in it's metal skin but without any converting/murderous tendencies. The Doctor and Clara were enthralled, like I was Houdini performing for the Queen. Eventually, Jenny's hour had come. I bade her to step into my lab.

Soon, the weapons display moved on to nonlethal, one-on-one weaponry. I emptied five atomic bombs, three nuclear-powered guns, eight warp stars, six pair of brass knuckles, two garrotes, a lead pipe, seven crossbows, and a metal baseball bat from my pockets, leaving me unarmed of anything that would kill her. I even removed the boots and wings, and replaced my shoes with steel-toed combat boots. Then we were ready.

Jenny started on the defensive, backing around nervously, never staying in one place. I raised my eyebrow, and a stun-bolt shot out of my headdress. I quickly revived her, then waited until she was ready. This time she went on the offensive rushing forward before flipping over my head. I cartwheeled off the wall before turning to face her. I snapped my fingers, and used that distraction to leverage her over my shoulder and shoot her with a hypodermic dart. I then called my nanogenes to heal her, and we started again. She tried everything she possibly could, every type of martial arts or weaponry she knew to use. She even tried to shoot me in the heart, but the bullet rebounded off my clothes. Eventually I got bored, and stopped the fight. Jenny looked like she's been run over by a steamroller multiple times, while I was spotless.

Jenny, frustrated, yelled, "Scholar, stop hiding behind your pretty toys and let us have a go at unarmed combat!" Challenge received, I removed all weaponry, even my headdress and shoes, and changed into a simple. human t-shirt and leggings. Jenny then removed her weaponry and shoes, and charged at me again. Poor girl.

If she hadn't been so pissed off at me for kicking her ass in front of her dad, she wouldn't have even suggested it. She knew I had spent three centuries after I completed my doctorates traveling around learning every form of armed and unarmed combat I could find. I'd told her this, but in her rage I think she forgot. I watched her charge me like a bull, and, once her momentum wouldn't let her stop, stepped aside. She wheeled around and flipped over me, intending to land on my shoulders, but, even as fast as she was, I was faster. I stepped aside again, and watched her tire herself out trying to catch by by surprise. Once she was exhausted, I cheerfully beat her to a pulp. I may_ like_ the chit, but she did ask for it. I had even warned her beforehand that I was an expert in many lost ways of fighting, and she knew I used the dojo's combat simulators often. I even had nanogenes to fix all the damage. The girl was_ lucky_. At least, this way she'd remember not to go challenging head-in-the-clouds eccentrics, because sometimes the eccentrics have some bite to them.

As I got Jenny cleaned up, I heard the Doctor approaching behind me. Jenny, luckily, was out cold, or they'd be able to hear her in Kastoborous. As she stirred towards the end of my ministering, she fell to cussing me out. The Doctor remarked, disapprovingly, "Jenny, that was _stupid_ to go challenging Scholar. Sure, she tested weapons on you, but she has thousands of years of experience on you. I'd like to see who'd win in a fight, River or Scholar." a shadow fell across his eyes, and his mask slipped. Grief, the type that is mixed with guilt, festered in his soul. "Scholar, your inventions are_ brilliant_. I'd hate to get on your bad side, but you seem to have a conscience. I'd heard the name Scholar before, I just never realized that you're a Time Lady before today. Jenny, I have a task for you, before I let this go. Look up Scholar, and see how lucky you are that she doesn't hold grudges. She's feared in the shadier areas of the universe for her ability to land with both feet on those who harm the helpless. That's her specialty, and she doesn't like any praise or reward, but she sometimes accepts books from those who insist on repaying her."

I ducked my head, before looking the Doctor in the eye. "Doctor, I don't like praise, or acknowledgment. I've seen bad people do bad things with my patents, including Time Lords. I just like to make up for that. Jenny knows I don't begrudge her the headache even the nanogenes couldn't cure, and that will make sure she doesn't forget. The kid is still learning, but make sure this lesson sticks. She has a bad habit of not using the intelligence she has. She doesn't mind learning, but she'd rather teach someone a lesson with fists than words. You should teach her that. I'll sure to run into you three sometime in the universe. Jenny has the number to call for the phone on Beauty here...and thanks for telling me what happened, even though it was hard for you to talk about. If I'm ever in trouble, I'll send you three a message on the psychic paper."

The Doctor looked like this was the best day he'd had in a while. He hid his sadness well, and coped by finding new humans like little Clara, but I'd seen what was in his eyes. Something had happened to the poor guy's wife, and I owed it to my mother's best friend to fix it. The Doctor may be clever, but I'm _me_.

**AN: Scholar's gonna save River, and figure out how to defeat Vashta Nerada! If you have any ideas or suggestions for how or what she's going to have to face to get the ingredients needed to kill the Vashta Nerada, review! I'll combine everyone's ideas in a plot smoothie! She's gonna run into the Doctor and company on her quest to save River, because she likes River and she feels she owes the Doctor. Also, she's smarter than the Doctor, so she'll figure it out. Cheers!**


	10. Chapter 10: River Song

**AN: Thanks to Insanetrouble for her suggestions in this chapter! The 1st break switches briefly to Doctor POV. I hope you enjoy, and review if you like Scholar!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who, I would be one happy AliceinTARDISland. However I don't. Boohoo. **

Ch 10: River Song

This was going to be difficult. The time-traveling archaeologist couldn't have chosen a worse way to die. I would have to be careful if I was going to save her. All I needed was a bit of Professor Song's DNA-check, there was a hair in her diary, cloning technology-check, all I needed to do was modify Messaline's progenitors, and a Vashta Nerada-icide. Not so check.

From the books I located on the Vashta Nerada, they were basically the piranhas of the air. In a swarm as bad as the one in the Library, it was best to run while staying out of any shadows. But, if I could find a way to make the light-their one weakness-freeze and incinerate them instantly, I might have a chance. If I could distill a fluid that could convert them into nothing more harmful than a speck of ordinary dust in a second-I know! The Hath, when I was on Messaline. They had those masks that allowed them to breathe air. If that fluid could be modified with a paralysis agent, and be distilled in a way that allowed all light sources to spread the fluid like a plague-Alveolon! The Veonites, who looked like humanoid insects, were a nasty race with a hive mind that secreted a paralytic that could be spread by contact. This was going to be _interesting_.

You see, the last time I was on Alveolon, the Queen and I had a_ disagreement_. She was of the opinion that enslaving any hapless travelers that stopped on her planet and using them as a food source was_ okay._ I thought differently. So, she, once I rescued all travelers and got the Great and Bountiful Human Empire to mark that planet, well the entire galaxy, as restricted, she and I had _words_. The worst part of it is, Veonites have long memories, especially for enemies. Oh, well. I was going to have _fun_ with this.

I spent a week refining the laser gun that, when the serum was added, would kill all the Vashta Nerada where it was shot at, then spread through the air until the were all gone. I even got the modified progenitor to give the clone twelve extra regenerations, as well as purging the human from her DNA. The clone was perfected when I finally had to go to Alveolon. I decided to call for backup.

_Doctor, want to have some fun? Bring Jenny and Clara to 4153 Alveolon, and remember to immunize them. Also, don't forget to brush up of Veolinese, because they're a bit pissed off at me. Thanks!_

%TLTL%

I felt the buzz of the psychic paper. A new message, interesting. Probably Scholar with a death-defying adventure. Hmm. Alveolon. Why did that little Time Lady have to make so many enemies? From the political diaries of the Emperor at that time period, apparently Scholar had called the Queen a "purveyor of murder and bad taste in shoes". In perfect Veolinese. That wasn't a good idea. The Queen_ loved_ her shoes.

"Jenny, get Clara. We're going to Alveolon. Oh, and make sure she doesn't wear a skirt, because we're going to be doing a lot of climbing. Climbing through a stone maze and hoping Scholar doesn't blow up the Queen or do anything to annoy her further."

%TLTL%

I pissed off the Queen more than usual. On the bright side, her cells had been tidied up since the last time I was here. But, the sitting and waiting was boring, so I used my hallucinogenic lipstick to make him think I was still in my cell, and used the schematics of the tunnels to find the Queen, and, with her, the missing ingredient in my serum. And, if I knocked her around a bit, it was her own fault. Anyone with half a brain knew that if you locked me in a cell for some _insults_, I'd never be out of one. She should know that by know. Well, that, and that if your yellow all over, you don't wear lime from head to toe, with lime plastic sandals. I shudder just to think about it.

I was sneaking down the corridors when the familiar sound of the Doctor's TARDIS materializing. That idiot. The screeching sound of the brakes being left on was_ awful._ Surely, especially during his ninth regeneration, he could _hear_ how wrong it sounded. The doors opened and the trio stepped out.

"Doctor, what are you doing here?"

"_You_ called me. You should know what I'm doing here."

"You're _late_. Therefore, your assistance is entirely unnecessary now. Thank you, and goodbye."

"But _Scholar_, I want to meet someone interesting. I'm_ bored_, and we're _here_, so we're_ coming_."

"Jenny, do you know what the Veonites_ do_? Last time I was here, they were_ dissolving_ humans, while they were still alive, and using them as nutrients for their grubs. However, you're not listening, so I might as well bring you three along. Come on then, and whatever you do, don't insult the Queen's fashion sense."

%TLTL%

"Listen, lady. If you don't stop stomping your puke-colored instruments of ocular torture, and maybe change into something in a nice_ orange_, or maybe _any other color_, and then give me a gallon of your paralytics, things are gonna get ugly."

"Why do_ you_ get to insult her? It didn't seem to work. At least, though, we're all in one cell, not multiple. "

%TLTL%

Soon enough, we had a hive of cowed Veonites, a deposed Queen, and _ten_ gallons of paralytics. What Jenny didn't realize was that I taped her evil villain monologue and showed it to her counselors. Those cliched speeches really _annoy_ your allies, especially when the aforementioned allies get called "brainless sops to stupid to see a trap if it had its own theme song". So, at the end of the day, we had enough ingredients for an army of laser guns, a fully functional plan for getting the Doctor's wife back, a Doctor entirely in the dark to this plan, and an angry brunette who missed her skirts. The day was going nicely.

**AN: Scholar has a Shiny New Plan! Yay! If you like this tale of snark, review! I'll combine your ideas into a plot chowder, if you review! Thanks to Insanetrouble, the ****_only one who reviewed_**** (hint, hint). Enjoy!**


	11. Ch 11: Time to Put My Plan Into Action

**AN: Thanks to Insanetrouble for reviewing every single chapter! She helped me with some suggestions for how to save River! If anyone else would just review, I'll mention them, too. Scholar manages to get paid in a shitload of books in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: If I was Moffatt, I'd let the fans know if River's in the 50th or not.**

Ch 11: Time to Put My Shiny New Plan Into Action

I was ready. I had sixteen Vashta Nerada-killing guns, and, since the fluid is self-replicating, they never run out of ammo. I also had the clone of Professor River Song, a legal document I was planning to have the professor give to Mr. Lux, which basically said that, since I rid the Library of the Vashta Nerada, I now owned it. If I was going to save Professor River Song, I wanted my usual currency. I think that finding a cure for an infestation of Vashta Nerada was worth_ at least_ a planet full of books.

I steeled myself for the adventure ahead. Then I stepped out of my TARDIS. I, luckily, had landed in the daytime, in a room that had a skylight. However, when I turned the setting on my headdress to Vashta Nerada alert (made especially for this adventure), I found that the place was absolutely _choked_ with the microscopic little twats. Time to-literally- bring out the big guns. I drew my laser gun and went to work.

Clearing an entire planet of Vashta Nerada-and their spores- only took half an hour. It helped that the fluid was airborne and self-replicating. Finally, I got them all. Just to be sure, I used the Library system to check for all life forms. There was only one found. Good. Vashta Nerada eliminated-check. Now it was time to drag the clone down to the data core, and upload River Song's mind into it. This might even be harder than eliminating one of the most deadly creatures in the universe.

River was _heavy_. She had a surprising amount of muscle on her, and she was at least a head taller than I am. Eventually, though, I managed to drag her down to the data core. Once I was down there, I connected her mind to the data core and downloaded her consciousness into her new head. She began to stir.

"Hmm. Last time I checked, I was nothing more than data with delusions of humanity. This should be _interesting_. I just said goodbye to that impossible husband of mine, but it seems I didn't need to. But first, _what in the name of sanity_ have I got on?"

"Sorry, Professor. The progenitor came programmed with making people in a rather basic, militant outfit. On the bright side, you have a body back, you have 12 new regenerations, there's clothes in my TARDIS, and I have rid the repository of knowledge entirely of the Vashta Nerada. Let's see, it is about two years after your expedition, so you can give this to Mr. Lux. Also, you can inform him of the fact that, if they have the DNA of CAL, Miss Evangelista, Anita, Proper Dave, or Other Dave, I can get them new bodies. I'll get you to your husband after that. He's trying way too hard not to mope, and it annoyed me. So, I saved your life. He was trying, but he's not as smart as me. " I handed her the document and a vortex manipulator, and sent her on her way.

%TLTL%

All's well that ends well. Luckily, the families of the four archaeologists and CAL had baby locks of hair or shit like that, and soon we had five resurrected humans. CAL was happy to have an actual life, and Anita and the others were happy to be getting an old age. With everything wrapped up in a neat little bow, and a planet full of books now in my possession, I only had one more thing to take care of. River Song had to be taken back to her husband.

%TLTL%

"Stop primping and let's go find your husband. He is feeling a bit better, since he has Jenny now, but when his mask drops, you can see that he's mourning."

"I just realized! You're that girl that was with Jenny, that time I met her when I was in Stormcage! It took me a while, because I was more focused on the fact that my idiot husband didn't wait long enough to have his daughter traveling with him then. You're a Time Lady, if I remember correctly. No wonder you were able to save me. Now, let's go and figure out where the Doctor is."

As it turns out, he and Jenny were on Raxacoricofallapatorius, returning a rogue from the family Slitheen. I tapped the Doctor on the shoulder and said, "Doctor, I have a surprise for you."

"River?"

**Next chapter will be the Doctor's POV, and he'll take a while to realize River's been brought back. It's kind of funny how long he thinks it's a dream. Review!**


	12. Chapter 12: The Return of River Song

**Thanks to Insanetrouble for her reviews! This chapter starts Doctor POV and switches to River POV. Sorry, there's a tiny bit of sappy Jenny and River hearts to hearts.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Steven Moffatt, and I wouldn't want to be. Though I would like to own Doctor Who. Santa, work on it!**

Ch 12: The Return of River Song

Jenny and I had just finished handing a rogue Slitheen over to the authorities when I felt someone or something (you never know when you're on an alien planet) tap me on the shoulder. As I whirled around, I saw my favorite little scientist _grinning_ up at me. That was odd-Scholar wasn't the type prone to smiling. _Smirking_, yes, but a smile was a rare thing from the petite Time Lady. Something must be up.

She grinned impishly and said, "Doctor, I have a surprise for you."

I turned around and started. I couldn't believe the evidence of my own eyes. Hell in high heels was standing front of me, looking ready to take on the universe. This couldn't actually be her, the closest I'd seen to her was her data ghost in the Library. She and I had ran our last run, we were chock out of spoilers. This couldn't be her.

"River?"

"Hello, Sweetie."

I struggled to keep the mask up. Apparently, I've a bit more with River. "Okay, let's do diaries. Area 52?" We went through our diaries, taking turns naming an event. Finally, she said, "The Library?" I stood there, shocked. This couldn't be a data ghost, I'd touched her arm earlier. A wonderful dream then. However, wonderful or not, I needed to wake up. I slapped myself across the face. _That_ didn't work.

%TLTL%

It was rather fun, needling him like this. What _wasn't_ fun, though, was what I saw, for a fraction of a second, when he saw me and his mask slipped. Scholar was right, he was eating himself up inside. _Of course_ he blamed himself, It was in his nature to feel responsible for the entire universe, every single life form that died under his gaze. Under the mask, he was an anguished, lonely god, without me there to get him to stop nursing his ego. Finally, I dared, "The Library?", and I could see the cogs of his thought processes moving. Then, the idiot, he slapped himself across the face. He seemed shocked he didn't wake up from whatever dream he thought he was having. I was going to have _fun_ convincing him that this wasn't a dream.

"Doctor? That's not going to work, you know. You're not dreaming. Your little Time Lady friend over there, who says to tell you that you're not as clever as she is, saved me. I felt myself being pulled out of CAL right after I said goodbye at Trenzalore."

It took two hours, ten random strangers telling them that I was there, and me finally just whacking him for him to be convinced I was alive. Once he accepted it, the look on his face was so_ joyful_, the contrast was like night and day. Of course, afterwards he wouldn't let me out of his sight.

Scholar eventually explained what she'd done, which greatly impressed the Doctor. He impulsively kissed her on the forehead when she mentioned the extra regenerations she'd given me. After he looked me over in the med bay, I insisted on some alone time with Jenny while Scholar showed him how the laser gun worked. I looked over at Jenny and began by breaking the ice.

"That Scholar is clever, for all she's a snarky little mad scientist. How'd you manage to put up with traveling with her?"

"Staying away from her labs and imagining punching her in the face a lot. Oh, and keeping away when she's fiddling, because she's fond of explosions. But, I'm betting you don't want to talk about her. I'm guessing you'll be traveling with us?"

"Yes, since we finally are out of spoilers. I'm glad he finally found you, Jenny. He's told me about you-about everyone he's lost-and, out of all of them, I think that you're the one he needed the most. He lost his entire family in the Last Great Time War, and it's good that he got a part of it back. There's a different place in his hearts for his family. He loves you, and he needs you. I'm looking forward to getting to know you, to ganging up on him with you, and to finally have someone on the TARDIS who likes guns. Speaking of guns, let's see what Scholar has in that arsenal of hers, because she seems another fellow gun-lover. "

I took my stepdaughter's hand and headed off towards the bright future ahead.

**Review if you like this. I rather like writing River, she is really good at not letting the Doctor go to pieces. I felt that River and Jenny would get along well. Next, it'll be an adventure or two, and then I'll leave an excerpt at the end from my next story, when Scholar and all 11 Doctors collide. Review for which companions you want with each.**


	13. Chapter 13: Girl Bonding Over Guns

**AN: Sorry, this filler chapter is way too damn short. But I'm building up to a multi-chapter adventure that ends with a twist. Reviews are joy!**

**Disclaimer: If I was Steven Moffatt, I'd stop taking my frustrations out on the poor Doctor**

Ch 13: Girl Bonding Over Guns

River had been back with the Doctor for a few weeks, her time, before I ran into my favorite Time Lords. The Doctor was experimenting with his sonic, trying to make a function for wood. So, River and Jenny, who, by the way, are getting along surprisingly well, stopped by the Library. I had taken to parking Beauty there, since it was _mine_.

"Scholar! For God's sake, get your ass out of that death trap lab of yours and let us in!" Jenny was never one for tact.

River Song, however, was a bit more subtle. "Scholar, sweetie, I hear you make your own weapons. Your guns aren't just useful, they're _stylish._ Any chance of testing one out?"

Soon enough, we were in the shooting range with what Jenny called my "disturbingly large collection of morbidly inventive weaponry, and that's saying something, because it's me talking". River immediately went for one of my favorites, a rather elegant laser pistol with metal etchings on the side. River began to shoot. Jenny then selected a high-caliber gun similar to a machine gun. Jenny and River began to compete as I watched. River was an excellent shot, and held a gun like it was a part of her.

I finally stepped over and picked up my favorite. It was a hand-forged durasteel that switched between laser fire and bullets or tranq darts. Soon there was a competition going. River and I were neck-and-neck, and Jenny wasn't far behind. Soon, we were trying trick shots, and then it was hitting objects in motion. Guns, I mused, are simply a girl's best friend.

I stopped the target course when I felt a buzz from my psychic paper. It was a message from the Doctor: _Come as soon as you can. Starfall, 51st Century. Sontaran Invasion._

"Ladies? I believe there's a certain idiot who needs a bit of backup. Let's get going."

**AN: The Doctor needs his ass bailed out by some strong women with guns. You'll love the ending, it leads up to my next story, which I think I'll call ****_Doctor, Have All Your Regenerations Been This Annoying?_**** Enjoy.**


	14. Chapter 14: The Starfall Stratagem

**AN: This is where it gets ****_fun_****. I'd really like to have my other five followers review. Five seconds, one line. Not that hard.**

**Disclaimer: I'd dress better if I was Steven Moffatt.**

Ch 14: The Starfall Strategem

"Okay, so the Doctor said Sontarans on Starfall, which is that little planet-remember, Jenny- where everything has to be powered by steam-tech because of a natural EMP covering the planet? That makes this interesting, because how would the Sontarans use their guns there? There's something weird about this. The Sontarans aren't exactly _stealthy_, so they can't be sneaking in for an arms deal or some shit like that, so what? Something isn't right about this..."

Despite my misgivings, the Doctor was all I had left, of Gallifrey, the closest link to home. I wasn't going to let him get in trouble with some Sontarans, no matter how weird their strategy was. I gathered River and Jenny in the console room as I set my plan out.

"Ladies, the thing about Starfall is that electrical technology doesn't work there. It's a rather interesting phenomenon. Basically, the planet has a naturally-occurring EMP overlaying the entire planet, which made the locals get creative with their technology. I should know, I spent a couple decades building most of their technology. I'm pretty sure they still have statues of me around somewhere...but, anyway, with the EMP, I had to get clever with my tech. I switched my goggles to the backup steam-powered setting, and here are some pretty toys for us to play with."

"Scholar, I'm beginning to appreciate your rather macabre sense for beautiful instruments of death. It's a pleasant change from the Doctor. He gets ever so cross when I shoot the aliens first when they attack him. "

"River, I hear you. I _literally_ took a bullet for him because he didn't make sure everyone had put down their guns. But let's get back to the whole _saving the Doctor if necessary_ plan. I think Scholar should probably do recon, with us as backup. She's the logical choice, since she knows the planet best."

"Good thinking, Jenny. We're here. I'll go scout out news from the locals. They might or might not recognize me, as I've regenerated since then. Still, I have the same goggles, hair and eyes. Now, ladies, take a look at_ this_."

The thing that you have to take into account about Starfall is the fact that the aesthetics of the place are different, sherely from necesity. The place reminds me of how I like to dress, like the Victorian vision of the future, but with more gender equality. Actually, it's switched the other way, since the entire economy is based on brains, not brawn. Their society is matriarchal, and the men take the women's names when they marry. It has to be in my top five of favorite planets.

I could hear the intake of breaths from behind me. It really is a marvel, with the layers of Victorian-style flats and the mag-lev trains running everywhere. The city was built recessed into a cliff, with a rather impressive amount of dirigibles, mag-levs, hover-cars, and the like, all powered by a special type of steam without emissions. The best part was, they appear to have an overage of statues of me and at least one cult proclaiming me a goddess. Business as usual, then.

I began to walk around, and, sure enough, I soon found the Doctor. It's not like he's inconspicuous, with the outfit and the blue box. And I was right. There was something weird going on.

The Doctor came here to test out his new setting that was supposed to work on wood-it didn't- on a planet without electricity to mess with the readings. While fruitlessly trying to sonic trees and the like, he spotted a stealth group of Sontarans smuggling a tied-up and covered humanoid out to where they were camped (their ships had to stay well out of range). I told him where the others were and went to take a look.

Sneaking in was easy enough with my hallucinogenic perfume (I wasn't going to kiss a_ Sontaran_). I soon found the tent where they were keeping the prisoner. Something was _odd_. It was almost...no, it couldn't be. I snuck inside and started.

A badly beaten young man was tied to a chair. He had auburn, spiky hair, one green eye and one grey, and had the hands of an inventor, and the burn marks to match. He was tall and skinny, and seemed like, when not beaten within an inch of his life, would be constantly laughing. But that wasn't what startled me. What startled me was the fact that I was convincing myself outside that couldn't be possible. That _residue_, that bending of the air.

_Time Lord._

**AN: Dun dun dun! I have a new Time Lord refugee friend of Scholar's. We'll be seeing a whole lot of him.**


	15. Chapter 15: Maker

**AN: I'm going to start calling out my followers! SpiritAni, 19ADG91, Christiane Silva, Rayne90, . , I know you guys like this enough to read it and follow/favorite it. Then why can't you write one line to help my writing! Oh, well. I guess you guys don't like my story. Sigh.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Who, I'd put my ideas into the show! I think Scholar would be an awesome addition to TV Who. Oh, well.**

Ch 15: Maker

I rushed over and removed his gag, and began untying him. Maybe, if I was lucky, he'd be one of my Academy inventor-buddies. He might be Innovator, or Engineer, or Architect (what, graduates take names that are more descriptions). But I'd never know if I didn't ask.

"So, my Time Lord acquaintance, who are you and how did you escape the Time War? Tell me what you go by, maybe we knew each other in the Academy. I bet you weren't as smart as me, but it's nice to see another Time Lord. There's only The Doctor that I know is out here, besides us."

Once I began talking, with my usual aplomb, he glanced up sharply. "Scholar, is that you? I see you've regenerated since the last time I've met me, but you still have the hair, though the eyes are brighter. You've always been an arrogant little piece of work. It's me, Maker. How many times have you been ginger?"

This was even better than I expected. Maker, my old childhood friend. He was in my year in the Academy, even though he's older. He graduated and was working in the tech branch, too. I resisted the urge to hug the poor beat up Time Lord-it would probably hurt like_ hell_-and hastened my untying of him. Then, once I was done, I snapped my fingers. Nanogenes should fix him up really quickly.

"Nanogenes. They should fix up this nasty beating the Sontarans gave you. You never learned, did you, _not to antagonize people who are holding you hostage_. What'd you call them, miniature potatoes? Did you insult their fashion sense?"

"No, I merely suggested that the reason the Rutans were kicking their asses in this pointless war is because the Rutans really got annoyed when the Sontaran leaders tried to make a move on them."

"_For Rassilon's sake_, Maker, you never learn. You don't mess with the Sontarans like that unless you're me. Did you escape using that Time Ring, there? I knew you'd need it, with all the snarky comments you go making to anyone with a bigger weapon. What did you do to it? It looks near fried! We better get going before the hallucinogens wear off."

"You should talk! You're nearly as psycho as my mother was, from what I've heard about her. I mean, ever since you blew up _an entire fleet_ of Sontaran ships, they've upgraded you to their greatest enemy. At least all I did was take down a clone batch or ten! So, you know the Doctor? He and my mom knew each other, before she went psycho. I mean, I love science and all, but I'd never_ enslave_ anyone, much less _entire planets_, for test subjects!"

Maker was raised by his relatives in the House of Blyledge, after his psycho mother Ushas became a renegade. He was about a century older than me when I knew him, but I probably have traveled more than he has, now. I'm glad that, if anyone could survive the war, it's him. He's my best friend, and I thought I'd lost him with everyone else.

"The Doctor won't hold who your mother is against you. He's not like that. Besides, you never even knew the woman. Let's get going."

We snuck out right from under the noses of the drugged Sontarans. I took pictures of a waltzing pair of Sontarans and one who thought he was a rabbit. Soon enough, I was where I left the TARDIS.

"I noticed when I arrived here, _why the hell_ do they have so many statues of you? Oh, and the cults are _psycho_! Did you build this world?"

"Well, I came across a crashed group of colonists whose ship was fried by its natural EMP and built them a technologically advanced, livable world. Who am I to stop them if they've decided I'm a goddess?"

Maker just smiled and laughed, happy to be out from under the thumb of those nasty Sontarans. Which reminds me...

"Maker, why, if you're an enemy of theirs, did they not simply just_ kill_ you? I mean..._oh_, they're stuck here, aren't they? They're a small amount of crashed Sontarans, and they needed you to build them a ship! Oh, that makes it a good thing that the hallucinogens were permanent."

"Scholar, I revise my earlier statement. You're _crazier_ than my mother, but you have a stronger sense of right and wrong. Now, hurry up! I want to meet the Doctor!"

I smiled at him and punched him in the arm, and I hurried over to where the others were waiting for me. This was going to be _interesting_.

**Yay! Scholar has a new Time Lord companion! He's like her, but more social and his sense of humor is more overt. I decided on him after I realized that, with Jenny gone, Scholar had no one to insult and to listen to her when she wants to hear herself talk. Only a couple more chapters, then it'll be time for my story with all the Doctors and my favorite/occasionally only companion from each one.**


	16. Chapter 16: Son of a Psychopath

**AN: Thanks to the Dok-tor for reviewing! It made my day! Everyone else, one line is all I ask for. I'll even accept suggestions!**

**Disclaimer: Not Steven Moffat. I ****_obviously_**** am not a chauvinistic old man.**

Ch 16: The Son of a Psychopath

"Doctor, guess who was in the bag? It's Maker, a friend of mine from the Academy. He's a tech nerd, too."

"Oh, this is good. Another survivor! Will Time Lords just be popping up everywhere, now?"

"No, sir. I got out after Scholar, by the skin of my teeth. I only made it out because Scholar made me a get-out-of-jail-free Time Ring. She just didn't expect I'd use it to get out. She expected I'd need it for when I'd insulted someone much bigger than I am and needed a quick get-away. She, ever since we were Time Tots, has felt the need to boss me around. And I'm _older_ than she is!"

River and Jenny's shoulders were silently shaking with laughter, finding it hilarious to have someone who knows me well enough to insult me without getting a fist in the throat. The Doctor, however, looked puzzled. I think he could see a slight resemblance in the mannerisms of the Rani and Maker.

"Maker, you remind me of someone. Who are your family?"

Maker sighed and said, "Well, I was raised by my relatives in the House of Blyledge, but my mother was the absolutely _psycho_ Ushas. I never met her, but I'm pretty sure_ I'm_ not as crazy as _she_ is."

The Doctor nodded, apparently satisfied. It was hard to judge Maker, he'd always had just enough charm to get away with anything. He said, "Fair enough. I'm not going to judge you on someone you never met, even if she was your mother. She wasn't _completely_ insane, though, she just didn't value any species but Time Lords. You remind me of her, before her sense of right and wrong started to crumble. Nice to meet you."

"Maker, my TARDIS is this way. You can travel with me, if you want to."

"Why would I not? Someone has to keep your ego in check! I mean, you appear to have gotten into the bad habit of treating everyone like your intellectual inferior. I did_ nearly_ as well as you in the Academy, and when you came upon me, you assumed I was one of the average Time Lords. Let's get going. It's nice to meet you, Doctor, ladies."

Maker and I ran to my Beauty, bickering all the way. Sometimes, it was fun to have an intellectual equal with you.

**AN: Sorry for the brevity. Next, it'll be a closing chapter, or maybe two, to this story. Then I'll start some one-shots, like what Scholar did to the Sontarans(posted now), and then I'll start my story ****_Doctor, Were All Your Regenerations This Annoying?_**


	17. Ch 17: The Results of a Bet

**AN: Thanks to Snuffles1234567890 for suggesting what later becomes a part of this chapter! Also, Insanetrouble for reviewing nearly every chapter. Any other followers of mine, please review. I only have eight reviews right now.**

**Disclaimer: Scholar would be in the show if I was Moffatt, but I'm not. So she won't be *sniffs*.**

Ch 17: An Unexpected Visit, and the Results of a Bet

"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

"Run, you idiot! You don't tell the Daleks that they're oversized pepperpots that could do with a good psychiatrist."

"How could I resist, Scholar? They killed _our planet_, so_ of course_ I insulted them! You should be lucky I didn't call them something worse."

"Maker, you should try running faster! I don't know how long the force-field will hold up. It's still being field-tested."

"Well, this is the best time to field-test it. You even have the laser blasts and everything!"

"It would be better to field test it against_ Earth_ weaponry, before I see if it can hold off the _bloody Daleks_! At least we neutralized the majority of them, leaving only one to chase us. Now, let's test out my serum. I want to see if I can make the Dalekanium armor fry him like an omelet."

"I swear, Scholar, stop trying to make your weapons an art form. It's just _creepy_."

Finally, we made it back to the TARDIS, and guess who were waiting for us. Jenny and River appear to have taken River's Vortex Manipulator. Jenny seemed to be quietly pleased by something. When I asked her what had gotten her so happy, she exclaimed, "River needs a sparring partner and I volunteered _you_!"

I smirked. "Finally, a challenging opponent! I'd be honored, Professor Song. So, what do you feel like? Armed or unarmed combat?"

"Let's make this_ interesting_. No weapons, no shoes, no gadgets, and no protective clothing. Should be_ fun_, right?"

She was right. This was going to be_ fun_.

%TLTL%

I began to stretch. Once I warmed up, I began removing all my weapons. Maker goggled at the sizable pile once I was finished, showing his disapproval wordlessly. Then, I went and changed into a cotton tank top and a pair of leggings. I knew River wouldn't break the rules by hiding weapons, so I didn't either. That would be _cheating_, after all.

I headed into dojo 15, the one with the viewing room. I smirked at River, and we started. She began on the defensive, trying to draw me out. It was a smart move, one Jenny should learn from. I decided to keep River off balance, and flipped over her head. She tracked me in the air and turned as I landed._ Damn_. This one would be _just a bit_ harder to surprise.

We began fighting in earnest, in a flurry of kicks and punches, not one of which connected. If anyone who wasn't a Time Lord was watching, it would be impossible to see, nothing more than a blur. I noticed with annoyance that Maker and Jenny were filming us. Every time I leaped, she countered, every time I kicked, she blocked and countered. It was impossible for either side to get an advantage. The fight ceased with each of us having a hand around the other's neck.

"We should do this again sometime, Professor Song. It's nice to be able to spar against an equal. Oh, and you might want to look over at the viewing room. We appear to have shocked the less coordinated. I think they both betted on one or the other, not a tie. But, it's good to keep them on their toes."

She smiled and said, "Likewise, Scholar. I look forward to a rematch, maybe armed next time. Though, I suspect that, with all your gadgets, you might just win that time. Jenny and I will be going. I'll have the Doctor contact you two if we ever need backup."

Maker looked at me with awe as they left in a flash of light. "Where in _the bloody hell_ did you learn to fight like that? On Gallifrey, you were helpless without your gadgets!"

I smiled enigmatically and left, leaving him without an answer. A girl has to have _secrets_, after all.

**AN: I figured that a BAMF like River couldn't be beaten, but I decided on a tie, because Scholar is just as awesome. Martha and Mickey will be in the next chapter, and be back at UNIT. Also, Jack and Torchwood will be there, and it'll be before that stuff with the 456. Too bad Jack isn't going to be in the 50th.**


	18. Chapter 18: A Reinforcements Call

**AN: I decided on a villain, one we've met briefly but one Scholar ****_really_**** pissed off. I had fun writing Scholar's reaction to Jack. Only two more chapters to go! The bit after the first break is Martha POV. Clara's here, because I really have kind of dropped her, but I just don't like her as much as River or Jenny and the TARDIS was starting to seem a bit crowded.**

**Disclaimer: I would have the Paternoster Gang a whole lot more frequently if I was Steven Moffatt.**

Ch 18: A Reinforcements Call

"Scholar, get your ass out here! Why did you install an _acid_-locked door? Never mind, it's you, so I can probably guess. Listen, on the psychic paper you left on the table, you got a message from the Doctor. Come take a look."

Maker was right. It was a message from the Doctor. It said: _Scholar, how would you like an adventure? I got a call from a friend at UNIT, in the summer of 2013. June, to be exact. June 20th. Want to come?_

I grinned at Maker and said, "Looks like someone needs backup. This should be_ interesting_."

%TLTL%

I was glad to be working at UNIT again. Mickey and I may not like their methods, but they at least provide more financial stability than freelancing. Also, it gave me a chance to talk to the Doctor, when we need his help. However, I got a _whole_ lot more than I bargained for.

For one thing, he seemed to have done that regeneration thing that Jack and Mickey mentioned. He looks about twelve now (well, more like in his twenties, but_ still_), all flailing limbs and bad fashion sense. I mean, bow ties and_ tweed_. Secondly, he is traveling with a whole pack of females. One, who looks a lot older than he does, he introduced as his_ wife_. Then there was Jenny, who apparently_ didn't_ die, and a short dark-haired girl called Clara, the token human.

Finally, he brought reinforcements. He's the Doctor, you wouldn't think he needed reinforcements. But, since the other group were Time Lords as well, it made since. One was a snarky little ginger who looked to be mid-twenties, all attitude and gadgets. The other, was a tall, charming, and lanky guy looking to be of a similar age, also ginger. Though it appeared the fondness for weird clothing was a Time Lord thing. When they stepped out of their tree-shaped TARDIS, the clothes were the first thing I noticed, like something out of a more technologically advanced Victorian London. The second were the mismatched eyes each of them had. But they appeared to know what they were doing, so I was glad for the help. Even better, though, was the reception Jack got when he headed over from Cardiff to see the Doctor.

The Doctor reaction was to be expected, all "Stop it!" and making sure the Captain understood that his wife and daughter were definitely off-limits. What wasn't to be expected, though, was the Time Lady girl's reaction.

%TLTL%

There was, once we got there, a sweet, quiet, pretty woman (an _actual_ doctor) that had traveled with the Doctor once. She was nice enough, and intelligent, for an ape. What wasn't pleasant, though, was a 51st century man in 21st century London. I had put up with enough 51st century guy bullshit in Luna University, but I wasn't expecting it_ here_ and I demanded an answer from the Doctor.

"What the_ bloody hell_ is_ his_ kind doing here. This is the 21st century, is it? He looks _wrong_, too. What did you do, Doctor? This has Type 40 heart of the TARDIS written all over it. Can you get him to stop _flirting_ with me, though, while you're explaining?"

The 51st century guy with a WWII coat on stepped in first, though."I think, ma'am, that you may be talking about the fact that, when one of his companions looked into the heart of the TARDIS and brought me back to life. The Doctor, afterward, had trouble looking at me too, on account of the fact that, when I die, I just wake back up. Doc over there called me 'a fixed point in time and space' when I caught up to him again. Are you, and the boy squinting at me over there, Time Lords? How did you escape the Time War? If the Doctor didn't doesn't yell 'stop it' at me again, I must say it's a pleasure to meet another virtually immortal. What do you say to dinner sometime?"

"No thanks, ape. Could you please stop flirting with me? I know it is really hard for someone from your century to breathe without flirting, but if you can't, go away. I'm isolating the causes for the situation Martha here just described. No wonder the Doctor called me in on this. He needs someone who has a higher IQ than him, to figure this out without causing an unneeded loss of life."

I appeared to have cowed the ape, judging by his acquiescing salute. I really wished he'd just go away, though. It didn't help my ability to observe the time lines for the situation with him so near by. He blurred all the time lines he touched. River piped up once he finished talking.

"You're immortal now, Jack? That means I won't do any lasting harm to you when I do this," she shot him in the chest, "in repayment for my Chula ship, which the Doctor says you got blown up."

"River Song, as lovely as ever I see. How did you manage to meet the Doctor?"

"I'm his _wife_, you annoying little con man. You're lucky I didn't shoot you again for nearly getting him killed with my ship."

As the two bickered, I tried to figure out the situation. From what Martha said, there appeared to be an entire group of Sontarans that took over a school of children to draw the Doctor out, knowing that the Doctor would be called in by UNIT. They just hadn't figured on me. The best way to rescue the children would be for me to hand myself over, as a more tempting prize, and then blow them up with coronic acid before they harmed the little apes. The biggest problem would be convincing the others to let me do it.

"I have a plan, you group of squabbling children, so would you all just _shut up_ and _listen_? The Sontarans haven't counted on one thing, you group of uninformed little ape toy soldiers," the UNIT grunts appeared insulted, "They didn't know I'd be here. I'm an even better bargaining chip than the Doctor, and I'm one who is _always_ armed."

Before anyone began to protest, the Doctor held up a hand and said, "Scholar, what did you do to the Sontarans that we don't know about?"

"Yeah, Scholar, when you rescued me from that stranded group on Starfall they made it clear that you were their greatest enemy. What_ did_ you do?"

The Doctor looked impressed at this fact while I said, "Doesn't matter. I was only 15 centuries old then and a bit impetuous. But the point is, the Sontarans aren't clever enough to understand the amount of hiding spaces a female has for guns with their whole 'the female form in inferior for combat' bullshit. They are really easy to trick because, since they have no gender, they understand girls even less than the males of most humanoid species. I am not going to let a single child be killed, I can promise you that."

The former companion of the Doctor's looked like she was about to protest, before River stepped in. "Martha, I know little Scholar here doesn't look like much, but she shouldn't be underestimated. Imagine a female version of the Doctor, double the IQ, and add a rather macabre talent for weaponry and all forms of combat. That's what we're sending up against the Sontarans. They won't know what hit them."

%TLTL%

"Now, this part of the plan I don't get," I whispered into my comms unit, "Why in the bloody hell am I dressed like a teenager from this century, and in a _skirt_ no less!"

"Scholar, we've been over this. They'll recognize the hair and eyes, but the skirt and tank top will put them off guard. You were wearing a skirt before, you know!"

"Maker, but that was a skirt of my design, bulletproof and laser-proof, doesn't stain, bigger in the inside pockets, the works. It also wasn't something that wouldn't cover a _chihuahua_!"

Maker left me to fume to myself as I walked up to the large school the Sontarans took hostage. Even worse, the school was one giant building, with a large group of primary school children. I could do this, though, with the special coronic acid specially designed to do nothing to humans and be twice as potent for Sontarans. I just needed to put it into the air vents, and there would be a large amount of Sontaran goo instead of Sontarans. I walked up to the Sontarans guarding the front doors.

"Listen, buddies, I know you were expecting the Doctor, but I know someone who's _a bit_ higher up your list of greatest enemies. Call your general, potatoes, and tell them Scholar says you get one chance."

**AN: I'm going to write a one shot soon explaining what Scholar did to the Sontarans to make them so pissed off at her. Don't worry, I'll finish this story soon. **


	19. Chapter 19: A Spot of Bother

**AN:This is a much shorter chapter than the last one. But, it ends with a bit of a cliffie. Sorry, people, but that's what you get for me not even having ten reviews. That is my new policy. If I don't get more than ten reviews a story, I'll make each chapter end in a cliffhanger.**

**Disclaimer: I would love to own Doctor Who...wait, then I'd have to be Moffat. I no longer want to own who unless I get to stay me.**

Ch 19: A Spot of Bother

I was shoved in a boiler room with a whole bunch of little apes. I went over to the air vents and set the acid on a delayed timer so it would be filtered through the system after I had a_ little chat_ with the general. Just after I finished priming the acid bomb, a Sontaran came in and took me to the general.

"Scholar, our greatest enemy. You set us back one hundred years on our war with the Rutans, you interfering _female_. You shall suffer, for the glory of Sontar!"

"Blah, blah, blah. Listen, when are you going to let those little apelets go?"

"Your sentimentality betrays you! I will order my men to slaughter the lot of them, and as they scream they will know it is because of you they died!"

"I was hoping you'd say something along those lines. Luckily, I have the remote timer for a little something special right here," and hit the button on my wrist. As the bomb began to spread, General Skorl realized long enough to draw his weapon. Right before he was vaporized, he managed to get off a shot. _Damn_.

%TLTL%

"I managed to make it back to the UNIT base before falling to the ground. At the horrified looks of everyone around me, I apparently was coated in blood. I quipped, "I forgot how the Sontarans were such quick draws. It may take me a bit to die and regenerate. At least no one was killed that would die _permanently_."

Everyone around me began to yell at me angrily, but I shut them up with the words, "I've had about three thousand years in this body, and this wouldn't have been fatal if I'd been allowed to wear my _own_ clothes."

The UNIT general who had suggested that looked down sheepishly. But I didn't care much about that. I stated, "I hope, this time, I'll have black hair, or brown. I might even cope with blonde, as long as I'm not ginger in another body. Maker, can you help me back to my TARDIS. I'll come out and say hi in about a day or two. Regeneration is _really_ not a pleasant experience." I began to glow as Maker helped me into Beauty. Then, I began to regenerate, energy pouring out of me.

**This might be a bit of a running joke in my stories. She wants to be anything other than ginger, the Doctor wants to be ginger. I like the irony there.**


	20. Chapter 20: Regeneration's A Bitch

**AN: It's the final chapter! I know it's a bit short, but I found the perfect line to end it on. Enjoy! I'll continue in ****_Doctor, Were All Your Regenerations This Annoying?_**

**Disclaimer: I'd write more strong female characters and less sexist lines if I was Moffatt.**

Ch 20: Regeneration's A Bitch

I woke up exactly 36 hours later, in Beauty's medical bay. I had better check out my new form in the full length mirror only about a foot from the hospital bed. Ignoring Maker in a chair by my bed, I let out a shriek. "_WHY THE BLOODY HELL AM I STILL GINGER!_ And the _voice_, I look and sound like a character from those pretentious Tolkien books, like a bloody _elf_! At least I'm taller. I must be, what, six foot now? Nearly as tall as you, Maker. Still, I have something I have to go do."

I strode out of my TARDIS, ignoring the looks I got from everyone working at their desks around me. I went straight up to the general who insisted I wear normal clothes and socked him in the nose. He looked at me, gobsmacked. I gestured to myself and said, "That was for a regeneration wasted for your idea, and STILL GINGER!"

Ignoring the looks I got from all the ape males around me, I went over to where the Doctor's TARDIS was still parked and went in. "Why did I listen to that stupid ape? One regeneration down, and now I'm stuck with_ this_ voice, and I'm STILL GINGER!" I noticed that Jenny, the Doctor, and River were staring at me in shock, so I said, "I know the_ face_ and the _height_ and the_ curves_ are different, and I guess these clothes don't really fit anymore, but I simply had to go punch that idiot for his stupid idea."

The three stated, in unison, "_Definitely_ still Scholar."

**AN: Only Scholar would be upset with being a chime-voiced, 6-foot, curvy, red-ringleted goddess with the same eyes as before. I hope you enjoyed this fic. Sorry if there was less Clara in it than expected.**


End file.
